


can't go on (our world's too different)

by dootdoot



Category: Twisted-Wonderland (Video Game)
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Angst, Arranged Marriage, Dialogue Heavy, Hurt No Comfort, I'm Sorry, Kinda, Love Confessions, M/M, Mutual Pining, Not Canon Compliant, Rejection, Sad Ending, Unrequited Love, You Have Been Warned, no one's happy, ooc? maybe, they've graduated
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-14
Updated: 2020-05-14
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:41:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,207
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24174511
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dootdoot/pseuds/dootdoot
Summary: Jamil is his servant. That's all he'll ever be.
Relationships: Kalim Al-Asim/Jamil Viper
Comments: 19
Kudos: 112





	can't go on (our world's too different)

**Author's Note:**

> i told myself to write something happy. i didn't. enjoy.
> 
> title from isyana sarasvati's tetap dalam jiwa
> 
> (Edit: rereading i realise there’s a mistake. it should be okay now.)

"Kalim, are you listening?"

"Yes, Father."

The head of the Asim family sighed. "Honestly. This is the ninth-"

"Tenth," his mother added as she brushed one of his sibling's hair.

" _Tenth_ suitor you've rejected!" His father rubbed his temple, settling back on his chair. "This can't continue. You've been holding this off for months now."

"I just," Kalim adjusted his brother, who's currently trying to pry himself free of Kalim's hold, "Need more time."

"You've said that... how many times already?" his father released a long breath, his patience running thin. "I don't want to do this but... if you still can't decide by tomorrow, we'll do it for you."

"What?" Kalim's eyes widened. "You wouldn't."

His father's gaze softens, "I'm sorry, Kalim. Do understand that this is for the good of our family."

"I see." Kalim gently placed his brother down, shifting back awkwardly. "I suppose I'm excused now. I'll take my leave."

"Please," his father continued, as he was about to leave the room, "Give it some thought."

"I will."

He slammed the door shut.

* * *

Jamil found him playing the oud by the foot of his bed.

Kalim immediately leapt up to his feet, dropping the oud. He flashed a smile, but Jamil could see how strained it was. "Is that saltah? It smells great!"

"Just the way you like it."

"Thank you, Jamil!"

Jamil ate in silence, listening to Kalim's rambles. Usually Kalim would eat with his family, though at times like this, he'd rather not face them for now.

Which is why he was requested to ask Kalim about the problem.

"I kinda miss the NRC. Don't you?"

"Hm."

"It was a lot more... I don't know. Freeing, I guess."

He'd be lying if he said he didn't enjoy his stay in the college. Despite being dragged into strange predicaments by their classmates, friends and the... incident, he had good memories during his time there. He looked at Kalim, bright eyes and all. "Perhaps, once in a while."

How is he supposed to bring the topic up?

"Kalim." That's a good starting point.

Kalim perked up at Jamil's voice. "...have you given some thought about your suitors?"

The heir visibly deflated. "Did my parents set you up for this?"

"Yes. I'm sorry."

Kalim sighed, falling on his back, "Of course they would." He sat right up again, "I said I'll think about it."

There were a few moments of silence before Kalim shuffled right next to Jamil, his meal forgotten. At this point he should be used to Kalim's insistence to invade his personal space, yet every time he does his traitorous heart beats a little faster. "Hey, Jamil..."

"Yes?"

There's a mischievous smile on his liege's face, "Wanna go on a magic carpet ride?"

* * *

This is probably a bad idea.

It usually is.

"Kalim, slow down!"

"Oh, don't worry! We'll be fine!"

_I should've said no_ , Jamil clung onto the edge of the carpet, almost falling off himself. At Kalim's boisterous laugh, Jamil's frown loosens. _...at least he's happier._

The moment the clouds parted and the full moon in view, the carpet instantly changed its speed to a more leisurely pace, throwing both passengers forward. Jamil shot a deadpan look at Kalim.

"One of these days I'm going to have a heart attack."

"Don't be like that! And see, we're fine."

Jamil's shoulders sagged from exhaustion. The two fly under the starry night sky, Kalim occasionally commenting on things that caught his eye- a bird, or the bright lights beneath them- and all Jamil could do was stare at him.

_His eyes always light up when we fly together._

"Jamil, look!" Kalim pointed at the city below them. "It looks like they're celebrating!"

_His smile always brightens up the room._ "It seems like it."

Kalim pouted, laying on his back, "Man, I wish we could go too..."

_Cute._ Jamil shook his head. _No, don't think like that._

He can't.

"Jamil."

He turned to face Kalim, when a pair of hands grab his shoulders, pulling him down. Jamil tumbled back, letting out a surprised noise, "What-?"

Kalim held him close, practically snuggling up to his side, his eyes shut.

His ears burn. Their faces are so close. Said perpetrator grinned at him, "You need to stop thinking so much."

"Ah... My apologies."

They stayed like that for the rest of the flight. For a while, it felt enough. The slow breathing by his arm, the proximity of their bodies. Jamil cherishes the rare chance they could do this. It wasn't like in the NRC, where Kalim would often ride the carpet day and night, often inviting him to come along.

_"We have class,"_ he would say.

And Kalim would puff up his cheeks, it was painfully adorable. _"Later, then?"_

_"Later."_

Kalim doesn't have that much freedom these days.

"Jamil..."

He turned to his side.

Kalim leans in, and time seem to slow down. _Is he-_

His hand shot up, pushing Kalim's face away. Kalim spluttered, backing away, "Why did you-"

"Kalim, we can't."

"But-"

"You're going to be engaged," Jamil said, his cheeks still flush, "You can't just _kiss_ me."

Kalim looked right at his eyes, "Jamil... I like you."

There it is. Those damned words.

God, his heart aches. He desperately wants to say it back, that he loves him. He wants to hold him close, to kiss him all over. To be with him.

But he _can't_.

Kalim kept going, "I don't have to marry someone I know nothing of. We can run together, we'll figure something out. We always do."

"I..." It _hurts_. But this is necessary. For the family's future. For Kalim's. "I'm sorry."

He had to do this.

"I don't... feel the same way."

Those words taste like poison.

He could see Kalim crumbling before him. The panicked expression, his eyes turning glassy. He rubbed his eyes, trying to keep his voice steady, "Oh... I just, I thought... Forget it. I'm so stupid."

Jamil doesn't know what to do. He reached out for him, before deciding against it.

"It's for your own good."

The heir barked out a mockery of a laugh. "Is it? Or is it for the good of the family?"

_Please, don't make this harder than it already is._

Kalim wouldn't look at him, his gaze downcast. "Let's go back."

"Yeah."

This is the last time he'll ever be this close to him.

* * *

"Get some rest."

"Okay."

"Good night, Kalim."

"...good night."

Jamil closed the door, the weight on his chest still heavy. He tries to ignore the sniffles coming from the room.

* * *

Kalim made his decision.

His family's overjoyed.

They didn't see how tired he was. The bloodshot eyes from the tears, the bags under them. His smile wasn't even that convincing, try as he might.

Maybe they pretend they didn't see it.

But this is the way things should be.

This is what he chose. He would never, could never, be Kalim's equal, let alone be with him.

Despite it all, he will still stand by his liege, whether it be in the light or the shadows.

There was a fleeting gaze, just a second long before Kalim turned away. The ache in his heart worsens.

Such is the fate of a servant.

**Author's Note:**

> my roommate threatened me with her comb for hurting kalim like this. i'm sorry.
> 
> good luck to everyone who's rolling for kalim's ssr!
> 
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/baaangabaaang)!


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